


Almost, As Always

by crollyne



Series: Bloom [9]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Mentioned Tsukishima Kei, Multi, POV Kozume Kenma, Traveler Kenma, musician kuroo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28496586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crollyne/pseuds/crollyne
Summary: part 2 of 2it wouldn't take a lot to break the walls of a home that i tried to build with scraps from a love you mistake me for.i mean, all it took was an almost kiss.but in your defense, the walls weren't strong enough to withstand so much.I just didn't think that the big bad wolf knows how to play a guitar.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Bloom [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075244
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Almost, As Always

**Author's Note:**

> The date the story was started, finished, and posted is not of any importance to the plot but will still be stated, however, the timestamps mentioned in the stories are relevant and is key to understanding what actually happened. Reading this story in random order is alright but since I arranged it in a way that would be make understanding the timeline easier, I suggest you read it from the beginning. This is the ninth story of a 14-part series and now I will stop babbling. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> part two of Bus Rides and City Lights

**Started: 12/12/20**

**Finished: 12/15/20**

* * *

Hey!

I was wondering if u r still awake

_02:27_

Hi

_02:32_

Let me guess, ur playing a game rn

_02:32_

Not that it’s your business, but yeah.

_02:33_

Wowww that’s rood lmao

Jk

I just wanted to say I just arrived in Tokyo ;)

_02:35_

cool ig.

_02:45_

* * *

GOOD MORNINGG

_08:12_

Why are you up so early jfc

_09:34_

Oh pudding!!

I thought you blocked me lol

But I wake up early to go on a run

_09:35_

Was tempted to block you, really

Running, ew

_09:36_

AHAHAHAHAH

Pudding you should get yourself some physical activities, too

_09:38_

it would take a curse to actually make me willingly run around for no apparent reason

and I spend my days walking around, mind you

_09:38_

You wound me deeply, pudding

_09:39_

The fact that I can hear your voice in my head rn confirms the fact that curses are real

_09:41_

Guess I’m in ur head rent free lmao

09:43

You know what

I;m blocking you

_09:44_

NOOoO PUDDING!!!!!

_09:45_

Disgusting

_09:45_

>:((((((((((

Anyway, imma go now I still hav to go to the liberery

_09:46_

Liberery? do you even know how to spell? What are you? Six?

_09:47_

>:(((((((((((((((((

_09:47_

* * *

Hey

_11:34_

Pudding heyy

_11:43_

I’m on the way to Tokyo

_11:44_

Oh that’s great!!! Want me to pick you up??

I can take you to a bar bc I hve a gig tonight

And maybe I can introduce you to a couple of my friends

_11:45_

Yeahh sure. I think I can arrive at around 8 or 9 idk it depends

_11:47_

Owkayy text me when ur near and I’ll pick u up

_11:49_

Sure

_11:51_

* * *

R u near?

_20:45_

Sorry my phone died just found somewhere to charge it

And no im still a few hours away

_20:54_

Oh why? Thought you’d get at around 8

_20:55_

Bus broke down. next bus would arrive somewhere around 12

Im staying in a hotel rn

And I’ll probably stay here for a couple days because it looks pretty here

Sorry tho I’ll make it up next time

_20:57_

Its fine lol.

Only one of my frens actually agreed to go

_20:58_

They must love you

_20:59_

They’re busy so it’s understandable

Imma go now and pick up my friend

Hope ur bus gets fixed soon

21:01

Thanks hope you both enjoy

_21:03_

* * *

Hey

I’m going to go to Tokyo now

_00:45_

* * *

sorry wasn;t able to respond last night.

I was busy lmao

_10:45_

Oh no it’s fine

I arrived late so I went to bed immediately

_10:53_

Ah I see

Wanna meet up?

I can tour you ;)

_10:55_

Yeah that’s cool but I don’t wanna walk aroun today lmao

_10:56_

Oof

U wanna watch movies?

_10:58_

Yeah sure

_10:59_

Text me ur loc tho

I’ll bring coffee and shit foods and maybe beer or wine if I’m feeling fancy

_10:59_

* * *

I smiled at the screen after texting to him my location. Despite being particularly happy that he’s coming to see me, there’s this part in me whose sirens are blaring as if telling me that this is not gonna end well. It’s probably the anxiety so I simply shook it off.

Looking around the hotel room, I made sure that things were clean and looking as normal as they could so that he wouldn’t think I am a complete slob but still wouldn’t think I actually cleaned for him. It’s literally just Kuroo and I’ve met him a couple of times only. Why would I have to be so worried about impressing him? This is not even my house, this is a fucking hotel room and I don’t own anything.

I grabbed a decent hoodie of mine and replaced my favorite hoodie with it. I’ve been wearing it since last night and despite having already taken a bath (I may be lazy but I am not gross), I didn’t want to change out of it. It’s a dark red hoodie but I changed into a pastel yellow long-sleeved shirt with a yellow carnation patch sewed on the breast pocket. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked decent enough to pass off as a non-slob. I just realized my hair looked longer and I needed to dye my roots soon. Meh. That’s not my priority. I really should just let it grow.

As I combed through my hair using my fingers, yes I do not own a comb but in my defense I lost it in a bus (probably), I heard my phone ring from the bedroom. I immediately ran towards it and saw that it was a call from Kuroo. I stared at it weirdly before answering. I have never answered calls for month nor do anyone calls me. Fuck, why am I so anxious.

Pressing the phone to my ear, I picked up.

“Hey,” a rough voice from the other line greeted. It was definitely Kuroo’s voice.

“Uh, hey,” I answered, immediately flinching at how high pitched my voice was. Goddammit it’s just Kuroo.

“It’s room 348, right?” he asked. “I’m outside the room now but I didn’t want to knock before confirming it’s your room,”

“Yeah, yeah it’s 348,” I whispered softly.

“Okay, well, I’m already out here so if you must,” he laughed. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling like an absolute idiot. Rushing to the door, I massaged my cheeks to get rid of the smile I can’t seem to remove from my face. Fucking shit.

I opened the door and was greeted by this tall ass idiot towering over me. He stood by the doorway with the phone still up to his ears. I then realized that the phone was still held up to my ear as well.

“Hey Pudding,” he said with a stupid toothy grin. I heard it through the phone, too.

“Hey, shithead,” I returned with the blank face I tried to maintain.

He frowned and actually looked offended. He held his hand holding a plastic bag up to his chest and feigned heartache. “My, my, Pudding. I don’t think I deserve that insulting nickname,”

I looked up at him, unamused. “You’re either going to come in or I’m going to slam this door on your face, shithead, your choice.” I warned him. Of course, it was a joke. But, I’m quite willing to do it for the shits and giggles.

He laughed as I moved to the side to let him in.

“I hope that this hotel room has a television because I have a USB filled with shitty romance movies.” He looked around the place, scanning the room. I’m really glad I did clean up a bit. “Oh, yey, you do,” he commented.

“I brought us coffee and chips.” He raised the plastic bag up to Kenma’s face. he scrunched his nose at the smell of roasted coffee grounds. “The coffee shop near my place didn’t have your usual cup of heart attack and anxiety but I found their strongest coffee so let’s pray it would suffice,” he grinned.

I rolled my eyes, grabbed the bag from him and placed it on the coffee table in front of the small couch.

“I already have anxiety so I’m hoping for the heart attack this will hopefully bring,”

* * *

One thing that I found out about Kuroo is that he absolutely sucks at smash bros. From a guy that gave me tips to defeat the final boss before the hard level of Downwell, it sure is embarrassing to say the least.

Second thing I found out is that despite having watched ‘The Notebook’ for so many times before, he still cried in the closing scene. To be honest, it wasn’t much of a different romance movie than the others because I mainly expected most of the things that happened and the characters are too love-struck and stupid to actually realize the problem. Really cool movie, though.

“I swear to god, I really didn’t expect you to bawl your eyes by the end of it,” I said softly with the small smile that I couldn’t contain. I shook my head at him as he dabbed his eyes with tissue.

“It’s sad, okay?” he exclaimed. I only did roll my eyes.

“It is fucking sad,” I admitted. “And fucking stupid at the same time,” I added which earned me the stink eye.

“My bandmate forced me into this so here we are, I guess,” he laughed as he threw his tissues out in the trash. I raised my eyebrow to that piece of information.

“Oh you’re in a band?” I asked.

“I WAS in a band,” he stressed. “I was studying chem engineering and doing some band stuff with a few of my friends from uni but because time was always a constraint and I couldn’t keep up with my course, we disbanded. It was a mutual agreement, though, because our drummer was going to his hometown. I decided to drop out soon after and just performed on my own,” he said. There was something in his eyes that I decided not to question any further.

The end credits rolled and we both decided that it would be nice to end the day here. It’s already late and Kuroo looks tired to me so I started packing up our trash in a plastic bag before throwing it in the bin.

I still wasn’t sleepy and that’s probably because of the huge cup of coffee I had that Kuroo brought in today. It wasn’t like the espressos I had in Mel-san’s café because there clearly was some sort of dairy-free milk mixed with it but it did the job of making me very anxious today. Well, that could just be me, though.

“Pudding!” Kuroo called from the living room. He was stretching and yawning when I arrived there.

“What do you want?”

He chuckled at my response. “I’m gonna go now. I have a gig later in the night and I would like to rest quite a bit before leaving again.” He picked up his valuables from the couch while he was typing something in his phone. He smiled at the screen when his phone dinged.

“Yeah sure. I’ll see you when I see you,” I told him nonchalantly. Like it would affect me, really.

“Oh and by the way,” he said, still not taking his eyes off his phone screen. He smiled at it again which made me pretty annoyed. Not that it did matter because he really looks cute when he’s grinning.

Did I just think of that? Anyway.

“Wanna go have a drink with me and my friends next week? I remember telling them about you. Maybe I can finally introduce you to them,” he said, shrugging.

People? Introduce me? To them? And Kuroo talks about me?

A fucking nightmare. I would, in a heartbeat, disagree.

“Okay. Just text me about it,” I say instead.

* * *

Sitting on this table surrounded by Kuroo's friends, I noticed how incredibly different each and every single one of them. By the looks of them, they have varying personalities and it's kinda obvious to me that most of the people here are nowhere near straight. Well, Kuroo did mention before going here that his friends are bringing their boyfriends with them.

I don’t feel like I belong, really. There’s just something in the atmosphere that’s telling me something was up.

The dark haired male that looks mean seems to very overprotective over the tangerine-like person beside him. They seem like very competitive people. The mean looking dude would probably pick a fight with a kid anytime.

The noisy one with gray and white hair, Bokuto-san, I think was his name, looks really wild and childish. You know, like preschoolers. The pretty polite looking person seems to be the preschool teacher who's so tired of life already but is still fulfilling their job to make sure the kids (specifically Bokuto-san) don’t die or something. The two of them looks like they've known each other for a while, though.

Uhm, then there's Takana-san, I think. Well, he's wild, to say the least. Quite the opposite of the girl names yachi. Is she even old enough to be allowed in places like this?

Daichi-san and Suga-san look like they're so in love with each other. It’s cute observing them, really. They're like the dads of the group, if that makes sense. I mean, Suga-san did lecture the mean looking dude when he looked like he was gonna pick a fight with the tall blond person beside me.

If I’m not mistaken, his name is Tsukishima. He's really quiet and it looks like he doesn't even want to be here. Ah, a person who would understand me. Still, he seems to be too uncomfortable, in my opinion. And he's literally just scrolling through his Instagram feed without looking at any picture. I had to prevent myself from laughing at that. Listen, I did much more stupid things on my phone to distract myself in social places that I even acted like I was texting someone when I’m actually just putting in random numbers on the calculator. I feel him on a spiritual level and I would probably get along with him.

I turned to look at Kuroo who's casually talking to Bokuto-san. I find it odd how his body was faced towards me or Tsukishima-san, probably even between us, while he strained his head to look at Bokuto-san while speaking.

Maybe I am just overthinking it. My senses are too overwhelmed in the noisy place that I am going into a panic. Making small talk with Tsukishima-san, I realized we both have many similarities. One, is that Kuroo is annoying. Two, is that he seems to despise socializing. Definitely connecting to him in a spiritual level so much right now.

I drank the alcoholic beverage in front of me and looked around the table silently, sometimes even sneaking in looks at Kuroo before I realized something. I can't even believe I didn’t catch it early on.

Kuroo is looking at Tsukishima-san. And Tsukishima-san only looks up when Kuroo is facing away.

Which could mean something possibly very mundane, however, I wouldn't have thought of it as anything if only Kuroo didn’t follow Tsukishima-san when he excused himself to go home early.

I wanted to ask him why he went outside or what happened but because I know there really was nothing in between the both of us and I’m just stupidly crushing on someone that probably doesn't even think of me the same way.

Well, I’m leaving Tokyo soon. I have plenty of time to get rid of these feelings afterwards.

* * *

Yo

_18:12_

Hi

:0

_18:15_

You said yiu were gking to go somehwere else this weeken rite

_18:17_

Do you even know how to spell

And yes i did say that

_18:17_

Wanna go to ichikawa with me for the entire weekend

?

_18:17_

Yeah sure

I mean I dont have a plan so

_18:18_

Awesome

I'll pick u up on saturdar at 5 in the morning

Sounds good?

_18:19_

Okay

;)

_18:19_

* * *

I checked out of the hotel earlier than the said meeting time. I am not one to be very punctual but right now, I’m feeling kinda excited. Not kinda, let’s be honest. I barely even had any sleep last night.

It was slightly colder than yesterday and I was wearing my favorite hoodie because it calms me down a lot. I still haven’t gotten over the anxiety of going to places I don’t know even though that’s all that I’ve known to do. I shivered slightly and hugged myself to keep the clothing closer to my body. I wish I stayed inside the lounge of the hotel before leaving but it’s no use if I complained now because it’s embarrassing if I come back.

Nah, I just have bad anxiety.

“Cold day, huh?” I heard a voice from far away. The distance muffled its volume but I can distinguish clearly who it is. I turned to look at Kuroo who has his guitar slung on his shoulder while he’s just holding on to the straps of his bag. You can totally see which one of his things are more valuable to him.

I nodded as I walked to meet him halfway.

“Thought I’d buy us some coffee,” he said with a smile.

“Wonderful, because I’m freezing here,” I commented. He reached inside the bag and handed me a cup of hot coffee. The steam is coming out of it’s opening and it felt wonderful to the touch.

He chuckled as he took a sip of his own cup. “How long were you out here?”

My eyes widened for a bit and panicked a little. Wow, Kozume, really now?

“A couple of minutes before you arrived, I guess,” I shrugged. For whatever reason, I’m panicking a lot internally. Well, maybe not panicking because that’s a lot different. I guess I’m just jittery.

“Oh, I see,” he said thoughtfully.

I took a sip of the cup of coffee he bought for the both of us to try and calm my nerves despite the fact that coffee makes me more anxious and I’m already hella anxious so I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself.

Keep it cool, Kozume. Keep it fucking cool.

Placing the plastic cup up to my mouth, I took a small sip because I didn’t want to burn my tongue because it’s definitely not a good experience. I was greeted with something sweet. It tastes wonderful but it’s not my type of coffee. Maybe the waiter got it wrong or whatever. I’m not in the position to complain.

“By the way,” Kuroo broke the silence surrounding them on the way to the station. “Sorry I dragged you to meet my friends. You seemed really uncomfortable out there,”

Well, I was really uncomfortable because I don’t know anyone there but other than that, it was really okay. “It was fine. I liked meeting your friends,” I told him instead. I don’t have the heart to let him know my discomfort when his intentions were well-meaning.

“Your friend Tsukishima-san is really cool, too. He’s really relatable.” I added.

“Oh, Tsukki,” he exclaimed. “You both are very much alike,”

Not that I enjoy being compared to others but, I do see it.

“He’s really cool, too. He takes Latin classes and he studies etymology, too. Like, ety-fucking-mology. He’s studying the history of words!” he bellowed. He looked really proud of him while talking about Tsukishima-san. “That’s a shit ton of memorization, ya know. I mean, I wouldn’t know because I didn’t pursue college.” He joked.

It was cool to know that Tsukishima-san is a really interesting person but something about the way he said it kinda felt… weird.

“Ah, same. I didn’t go to uni, too,” I related.

“Oh, you didn’t?” Kuroo asked. ‘How come you’ve never told me this before?”

“Well, first off, you didn’t ask,” I shrugged. “And I started traveling after I finished high school. I wanted to go to college but since I’m in the constant saving for money to go around a few cities for a few months, start working again and just repeating that process, I figured it would be difficult and so, yeah,”

Kuroo hummed in response. Kicking a few rocks on the pavement, he looked up at the sky.

“We’re all just a little lost, aren’t we?” he said, unprovoked.

I stared at him for a few seconds before looking back down at my feet. “Yeah,”

* * *

The train ride was quicker compared to bus rides. It’s cheaper, too. Maybe next time, I will start traveling by train.

We both booked two separate rooms in a pretty decent hotel near downtown because we were supposed to stay for the entire weekend. It was actually uneventful because I slept for almost the entirety of the day since we were only going out to Kuroo’s gig later that night. Tomorrow, he said we were going to run around Ichikawa a bit.

I kinda liked this place. Maybe I’ll come back here sometime.

My phone beeped. Was there a text? No one really texts me.

Yo, pudding

_10:21_

Shithead, we’re literally a room away.

_10:21_

Yea I know lol

_10:21_

Tf do you want

_10:21_

Nothing rly

I was bored

_10:21_

I smiled to myself. This man is so dorky and it sucks so bad.

Well sucks for you

_10:22_

>:(((((((

Can I call u

_10:22_

Raising an eyebrow, I laid down on the mattress as I texted him back. Now that I thought of it, I’m quite bored, too. Let’s see how this goes.

Ok

_10:23_

I waited for his call and when it finally arrived, I waited a few seconds before answering because my anxiety is cool like that. “Hello,” I greeted. I heard a chuckle from the other line.

“Hi,” he said. I can only imagine that shitty grin on his face. “How are you doing there?” he asked, clearly trying to contain his laughter from the other line.

“Presumably alive,” I answered, a smile fully shown on my face. There’s no point in hiding it because I’m literally alone in this hotel room.

“Witty as always,” he snickered.

“It’s a pleasure.”

He didn’t respond afterwards and I just waited in silence. I can hear his breathing from the other side and I slowly wonder if he had fallen asleep within the span of a few seconds.

“Thanks for picking up, by the way,” he finally said.

“What’s up with you? Calling all of a sudden,” I asked, rolling to my side.

I heard shuffling from the other line and I assume he lied down on his bed as well.

“Missed you, I guess,” he said without missing a beat.

My eyes widened and I felt my cheeks flush. Okay, that’s weird and I didn’t expect that. I felt the panic slowly ease into my bones and I don’t even know what to say next.

“Disgusting,” was the first word I was able to let out. I chuckled a little to let him know I wasn’t serious with what I said.

“Pain,” he exclaimed and laughed.

“No really, I’m not lying. But, my phone is dying soon so I gotta charge it. See ya later,” he said.

I hummed only in response and waited for him to end the call. I rolled to my back again and sighed deeply. God, this room is so cold.

* * *

Time passed quickly and I was able to get in a few hours of sleep before I knew it, we were already at the bar, looking around for a seat somewhere in the front. I stood close by him because this place was a lot packed than the other bars we went in.

“You okay?” he asked, looking down at me while he maneuvered around the people.

“You could say that,” I answered, looking around the amount of people dancing, talking and just plainly having fun. The music blared loudly which made my head throb lightly. I heard him sigh before grabbing my jacket sleeve and gently pulling me somewhere towards the corner.

“These people, I swear,” he laughed under his breath as a girl gave him a wink. I only gave him a laugh before we finally reached a seemingly quiet place in the corner without that many people swarming it.

“Is this place alright?” he asked, looking down at me as stood awkwardly near the wall. The place he picked was really cold but then again, the warmth I felt must have been from the people crowding one place in the bar. I only nodded at him.

“You’re safe, don’t worry,” he reassured me as he flicked my forehead. I slapped his hand away and stepped away from him. He laughs.

“I’ll get us drinks before I have to go.” He checked his watch. “I have about thirty minutes to get half wasted before I’ll have to go perform.” Chuckling, he walked off before giving me one last look and a peace sign. Luckily for me, he only walked a few meters away from me because if he literally disappeared from the crowd, I’m panicking, right here, right now.

I took deep, steady breaths and reminded myself that it’s a place Kuroo brought me and I trust Kuroo. There should be no problem with that because I know he wouldn’t bring me to a place that would quite possibly hurt me.

Right?

“Pudding,” he called, snapping me out of my thoughts. He had two open bottles of cold beer in both hands. “Drinks on me tonight,” he said as he handed me a bottle. I immediately took a swig and the cold liquid burned my throat. It’s been a while since I had a drink.

“I already feel like I’m going to have a hangover tomorrow,” I commented, trying to start up a conversation. My hands are shaking already.

“Oh god, let’s hope not because we have plans for tomorrow,” he laughed.

“Imagine both of us just dragging our feet on the pavement while looking around the destinations in the city,”

“We’d be like fucking zombies,” he added, chugging on his beer bottle until it’s half empty.

“No but, seriously, a good cup of coffee can solve everything so who cares right now,” I shrugged. I’m slowly feeling much more comfortable around this place which is really great. I’m not as anxious anymore and I know that’s thanks to the alcohol. “I mean, what can I lose?” I laughed.

“Your fucking liver, probably,” he retorted, taking a swig of his drink.

“Bold of you to actually say that while taking a sip of your own calorie-dense, addictive, cold poison in a bottle.” I rolled my eyes at him. He laughed in amusement and I felt my heart beat quicker. It’s not like the fast heartbeat I feel after my third cup of cold brew but it did make my chest tighten.

“Fair point,”

He then looked up at someone near the door next to the stage and stared before nodding. I looked at the person he was looking at and they seemed to be an employee judging from what they were wearing. It was a whit polo shirt with black buttons and it seemed to be a common theme in the people’s uniforms in here.

“I gotta go, pudding,” he said. “Would you be alright here?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ve calmed down after this beer.” I held out to the empty bottle of beer to show him and possibly reassure him as well. He downed what was left of his drink before grabbing his guitar and walking up to the stage that was being set up.

The spot light was opened and Kuroo stepped on the stage and stood under it. Everyone’s attention was now on him. It’s what he deserves.

He glanced at me before giving me a small smile.

“Good evening, everyone,” he said on the mic. The loud music’s volume decreased and everyone’s conversations halted as if making way for him.

“I am Kuroo Tetsurou,” he started. “And I will be singing an original song I made. This song is called ‘Nothing’ and I hope you all enjoy,”

**_“Track suits and red wine_ **

**_Movies for two_ **

**_We’ll take off our phones_ **

**_And we’ll turn off our shoes_ **

He smiled at me. I only looked away. I can still remember my first day in Tokyo where we watched movies and played on our phones. There’s sadly no wine, though. But he made up for it by bringing coffee which kinda made it better, in my opinion. Still, Kuroo crying because of a movie is very comedic to this day and I will forever hold it against him.

_**We’ll play Nintendo** _

_**Though I always lose** _

Not really Nintendo but he sucks at smash bros. Like, I dragged him to the ground for hours and I am personally embarrassed of him for teaching me how to get out of that level in Downwell but still being horribly miserable in smash bros.

_**‘Cause you watch the T.V** _

_**While I’m watching you.** _

I looked at him and he just winked. I rolled my eyes and mouthed ‘You just suck’

_**There’s not many people** _

_**I’d honestly say** _

_**I don’t mind losing to** _

Honestly, he looks so elegant while singing. Everyone seems to be bewitched by him and I don’t blame them. He is alluring.

I mean, I’ve had a drink and it might just be the alcohol speaking for me.

_**But there’s nothing** _

_**Like doing nothing** _

My eyes flickered down to his lips as he sang the lyrics. Horrible idea, really. My throat dried and I gulped nothing. To be honest, I’m so glad I met him and went to Ichikawa. I wonder where else in the world could he take me and what beauty could he show. I haven’t seen much of the world and I know he hasn’t either. Maybe we could start by going to London. Anywhere, really. I’m pretty sure anywhere we go, I would be taken away.

God, I’m so lucky.

**_With you”_ **

He stretched his arm towards me with a smile and I hesitantly took it. From the moment I saw him, I knew he would have a massive effect on me. I knew that I would probably be gravitating towards him. However, I did not know that this attraction was so strong that holding myself in place was such a hard thing to do. It’s his entire being that gave thrill and excitement in my life that it's so cliché of me even saying this. He became a part of my world, a part of a home I never knew.

And one simple tug on my hand did all that holding on to fall to pieces. He leaned in and I leaned forward. Our faces were a few inches apart and I held my breath. Are my hands sweaty? Am I visibly trembling? I couldn't breathe. Everyone was looking at us, looking at me. But then he paused. And I paused. And I looked at him only to see him look at something-or someone- at the door that leads outside. I saw a glimpse of blond hair and immediately, I knew who it was. I mean, it’s pretty obvious by the look in his eyes.

* * *

My heart raced as my feet made contact with the cold pavement, the heel of my shoe making noise from the friction. I ran after him who ran to the back after some sort of an excuse. I knew why he was running and who he's chasing.

Stupidly enough.

Once outside the bar, cold air entered my lungs as I gasped for air. Fuck, I really should run more often. Not that it matters because Kuroo has really long legs and he can cover a given distance much quicker than me. I can still see his back turned to me, running on the pavement and looking around.

Stupid, you wouldn’t see him. You're a few minutes too late for that chasing thing you're doing.

"Kuroo!" I called as I caught up with him. With deep breaths, I placed my hands on my knees as I steadied myself. I was too tipsy, drunk even, to actually run. I feel like I’m going to puke.

He turned to look at me with wide eyes. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," he mumbled to himself. "How did he know I was here? Did Boks tell him?"

"Is that the right thing to ask right now?" I asked, raising my voice in frustration. The reason why I’m doing so is also unclear to me. "Is there something going in between the two of you?" I exclaimed in disbelief. Luckily, there were barely any people around and the few cars that passes only come occasionally.

"I fucked up a bit okay!" he stressed.

"A bit? What the fuck do you mean a bit? If it's a 'bit' then why the fuck are you overreacting this much? Why did you run out here? What the fuck is happening Tetsurou?"

The look in his eyes gave all the answers to my questions. It’s so comedic and tragic at the same time.

"Ah," I sighed, laughing slightly. "I see."

"There's something going on between the two of you." I stated. It’s no use to even question it, really. It’s pretty obvious. "You and Tsukishima-san, both," I panted.

"And he saw you. Almost kiss me."

I can slowly piece things together like a puzzle. It’s like finally finding the piece that you're looking for and then putting together the other parts become easier.

"We're not together, Pudding," he cut me off.

I rolled my eyes. "Stop with the fucking nickname Kuroo,"

He looked taken aback. Well, he should be because I’m literally frustrated right now.

"Kenma, there's nothing going on between the both of us," he said slowly as if hesitating.

"Are you convincing yourself that? Because you sound like you are." He flinches. "Besides, if there's nothing actually going on between the both of you, then what could have warranted this reaction from you? Why did you run outside and abandoned your next song performance?"

He opened his mouth to speak and that itself answered everything to me. It's actually so frustrating to be this angry and disappointed of yourself.

I’m also particularly ashamed of my outburst. I have no apparent right to even be this mad. For all I know, it's Tsukishima-san that should be in rage right now. I took some deep breaths to calm myself before speaking up once more.

"I like you, kuroo,"

His eyes widened. I was expecting it.

"I," he started. "I like you, too, Kenma," he said with uncertainty.

"No you don't," I spat. This is no time to sugarcoat things. I want this over with.

"Do you like Tsukishima-san?" I asked the obvious. My fists were already clenched at this point and my knuckles are turning white.

He was quiet. You know, like a coward.

"I can see it in your eyes. The answer, I mean." I sighed. "I don’t know exactly what's happening between the both of you but I sure as hell is very certain that it’s not 'nothing',"

His mouth opened to speak but no words came out. He just stared at me as if what I was saying was a curse. Truth hurts, I guess. But, truth is liberating as well.

“You like him and not me. Quit fooling yourself that. I can see it clearly, but I don’t think you understand that enough. You’re looking for someone to fill a gap in you and that’s stupid and painful for both parties. Trust me, I know. Besides, you’re the one who taught me that just now. So yeah.” I kept my gaze on the ground as I felt my heart beat like an earthquake.

Unclenching my fists before I hurt my palms any further, I felt my tense muscles slowly relax. I’m not a confrontational person, never been one and nor do I plan on being one. But someone had to say it. Breathing out deeply, I looked up at him.

"You know, you probably ruined what you had with Tsukishima-san,"

There was silence in between the both of us as we waited for who’s going to speak next. When it was evident to me that things are still processing slowly in Kuroo’s brain I smiled to myself, and partially to him, bitterly.

I want to tell him that he also ruined what home I thought I found in him.

“I’m gonna go now.” Is what I say instead.

* * *

I don’t like it here.

The bus is so cold, hell, it’s fucking freezing. Curse this goddamned cold bus and its air-conditioned bitch-ass.

Well, now that’s just rude. Sorry, bus.

I mean, there’s literally only four people in this bus including the driver and me. I really should be concerned that I am very tipsy, my head is pounding, I’m famished, and is clearly in no way suited to travel in the middle of the night. Well, here I am I guess.

The last stop of this bus is in Kyoto. I really would want to go in somewhere farther than that but, it’s one of the last few buses that would pass the stop I was in and I didn’t want to stay there any longer. I don’t’ have to worry about him following me, though. Kinda sad isn’t it?

I don’t really know what I was thinking. Maybe I was just alone and I happened to meet him in the most unconventional time. It’s not really unconventional, I guess. I’ve seen a couple romance films that started when one person met another person in a bus ride or a bus stop and they ended up happily together after fixing the internal issues they have. The only difference is that it didn’t end up that way for me.

I think it’s better that way. It’s much better than fooling myself that he likes me when he clearly likes Tsukishima-san. I feel so horrible. I wonder what Tsukishima-san is feeling right now.

Ugh, this lonely bus is making me think about things too deeply. It’s too quiet and my phone is already dead. It’s not a nice thing to be alone with your thoughts, isn’t it?

But this is fine. I’m really used to it, though. Ah, I remember one word that I read in a website I stumbled in while looking for cheats. I can’t get out of the level, okay? I was a desperate man. It says that there’s a word that can be loosely translated as ‘nostalgia’ but it’s meaning means more than ‘homesickness’ alone. I think it can also imply missing a person, a time, an era. Was it herate? Hithear? Or was it haethir? I don’t remember. But there is a word like that, if I’m not mistaken.

I kinda feel that right now but I’m not really sure anymore. I’m feeling really…in between, if that makes sense.

The one thing I’ve learned about this is that I should trust my gut more often. And that traveling through different roads can only either let you discover the home you’re looking for or show you that you’ve never had one from the beginning and that you will never find it. Sadly, both could happen to you in that particular order.

Light shone on my eyes and I was immediately snapped out of my thoughts. Stupid sun, shining on my stupid eyes.

Oh, wait. It’s morning already. Looking out the window, I can see that I’m kinda near the bus stop already. Weird that I didn’t notice how the time went by. I can see the bus stop a few streets away. I don’t know where I should go, though. Maybe I can stay in a hotel for a few days before going somewhere else. Where though? Where should I go next?

It’s around 8:39 as my watch says. Maybe I can wait until Mel-san opens so I can grab coffee before checking in since the café is not too far from the bus stop.

I miss Mel-san’s coffee.

I’m so tired that walking towards their café is making me light headed so I took my time looking around and enjoying the sunlight. I’m pretty sober now, though. Just suffering through a horrible headache so that’s that.

When I saw the familiar glass door of the café, I saw a familiar figure near the door, probably cleaning up before opening. It’s Grace-chan, I think. She’s such a hardworking person. Imagine working mornings at the coffee shop and nights in a bar.

I think she saw me because she looked up from sweeping the floor and immediately went to the staff’s room? I’m not sure. But she presumably called Mel-san because I saw her rush to unlock the door and walk towards me.

“Hey, Mel-san,” I greeted her. Gosh, my voice sounds so raspy. Is this what happens after not speaking for about 8 hours or so?

Once she saw me closer, she seems so shocked and… worried? Guess I really did look horrible, haha.

“Oh dear,” she said as she pulled me in a hug almost immediately. “You look like death,”

She feels warm, unlike that stupid bus ride and she smells of coffee grounds, pastry and freshly baked cinnamon rolls. It smells like what I imagined a mother would smell like, or a very doting grandma.

“I’m fine, Mel-san,” I whispered to her softly as I hugged her back. My chest tightened and it felt harder to breathe. “I’m fine.” My voice cracks.

“I’m fine,” I convince myself. She hugged me tighter.

I opened my mouth to say something but I feel so chocked up it hurts to breathe. Everything seems so overwhelming and the entire world is spinning. All I knew, I was gasping for air and crying like a fucking child. I hate this, I hate this so fucking much.

“There, there,” she said as she brushed my hair with her hands.

Ah, I remember the word now.

It’s Hiraeth.

* * *

Hey bro

Remember the trip to ichikawa i kept on postponing?

_17:23_

Hey hey hey

Sorry for the late reply, akaashi fell asleep on my shoulder. Didnt want to wake him up

Ye i remember dat

_17:56_

Well im planning to ask kenma to go with me wish me luck

_17:57_

I thot u were getting it on with tsukki?

_17:57_

There's nothing going on with us, bro

_17:57_

Not that i beleive it but like. r u sure there's nothing cuz akaashi and i can sense somethinsg uo

Also u told me u. kissed. him

_17:58_

Yeahh, i did

_17:58_

So . ?

_17:58_

Idk bro. maybe I'll just not tell him lmao.

_17:59_

Eh u sure?

Akaashi here says that it sounds like a terrible thing to do

_17:59_

Nothing's going on between the both of us lol dw

_17:59_

I. don.t belive u bro

So does kashi

I mean. you gave him flowers. and said that u meant the kiss

And idk how to feel aboit. that

_18:00_

i said nothing's going on between tsukki and i

And he also wouldn't know

Besides, I don’t think he would give a damn anyway.

_18:01_

**Carnation, yellow**

-Disappointment, rejection

SONG:

Nothing by Bruno Major

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello uhm i hope you enjoyed! this series is almost finished so i hope if you read this first, you can start in the first part! there are parts i gave more insight to in other stories so look out for that i guess?
> 
> visit @cromij1 in twitter for the playlist and it's somewhere in my pinned if i dont have a different story pinned!  
> or maybe click [this](https://twitter.com/cromij1/status/1348407665152520195?s=20) to lead you to the thread/pinned tweet of my stories and playlists
> 
> if yall don't want to, then you can visit @cromij1 in twitter and it's somewhere in my pinned!


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